Why is the pre show so long? Is the red carpet 8 miles long?
Wait Dakota Johnson is Melanie Griffith's daughter? Weird. She's had work done.
Omg I love Anna Farris and Chris Pratt. He's so hot. Even if he's fat.
Well that's some slit on Chrissy Teigen's dress…
Lupita Nyong'o looks like she's wearing pasta. I mean I like it, I'm just hungry now.
#AskHerMore… Eye roll. I get it, but aren't you getting these dresses for free?
Jennifer Lopez, why are you here and who punched you in the eyes?
Scarlett Johansen looks like an alien.
Faith Hill and Tim McGraw look interesting. I love Faith's hair. Tim eat something, please.
Is Patricia Arquette drunk or is it just her hair?
Lady Gaga is up to no good with those gloves.  

Oooh a musical number opening, yes.
Well, Jack Black just stole the show.
I love Benedict Cumberbatch. He wins all of my Oscars. (If you haven't seen The Imitation Game stop and go see it.)

“Magic Meryl Effing Street.” Neil is killing it.
We are Farmers. That's what I know J.K. Simmons is from.
Does Gwyneth always wear pink?
NPH in underwear… I feel awkward.
John Travlota stop touching Idina Menzel. 
Chloe Moretz, get your hands out of your pockets.
This Lego Movie song is scary. Hi Andy Samburg.
“The Grand Budapest Hotel” is winning everything. Need to watch it again, when I'm not on a plane. 
How tall is Kevin Hart? 5'4″, shoot he's still taller than me.
Why is it called Big Hero 6? Six of what?
We're less than an hour in and I'm already sleepy.
Cue the tears. RIP. Great tribute by Jennifer Hudson.
Common and John Legend bring the glory. I'm crying again.
Wow Lady Gaga looks normal and is killing it on the Sound of Music Tribute.

Does Julie Andrews age?
Eddie Redmayne deserves it for The Theory of Everything. His speech is so cute.
Julianne Moore sounds like she's reading from a script. But well deserved. Never even heard of “Sill Alice” though…
BIRDMAN wins?! Really?! No. The Imitation Game should have won.
Time for bed.