For the past six months I’ve been working on the biggest project I’ve ever produced. I really think this is the best thing I’ve ever come out with. I’m really excited. But I’m also very scared.
It’s a fear that keeps me up at night. I jolt awake, eyes wide, thinking over what I need to get done and what loose ends I need to tie up.
For the past month or so, the anxiety creeps up on me more and more. I’m putting my heart, soul, time, and money into something. What if it fails? What if everything I work for just doesn’t resonate with others the way I hope? This fear, I know, is stifling. It’s why I’ve pushed back the launch date twice.
I want everything to be perfect. I want people to say wow, this is exactly what I need. In my mind it is. But it’s so hard sometimes to make sure that comes across.
Life has a weird way of testing you. Things seem to happen all at once. Michael and I had our 5th wedding anniversary the weekend before last. We still haven’t really celebrated because our friends were in town, then family, then we went to the Kentucky Derby. Did I mention I’m also hosting two webinars this week?
I tend to let stress swallow me whole. I then spit it out on other people that I care about. I get stressed and mad and then let it seep into my personal life. But that’s the thing with blogging — I’m often mixing the two.
Don’t get me wrong, I wouldn’t have it any other way. But it’s scary to put yourself out there and then hope people like it, and you.
One of my favorite authors, Paulo Coelho, once said, “Pitiful is the person who is afraid to take risks. Perhaps this person will never be disappointed or disillusioned; perhaps she won’t suffer the way people do when they have a dream to follow. But when that person looks back – and at some point everyone looks back – she will hear her heart saying, “What have you done with the miracles that God planted in your days? What have you done with the talents God bestowed on you? You buried yourself in a cave because you were fearful of losing those talents. So this is your heritage; the certainty that you wasted your life.”
I have a major fear that I will fail. But I have an even bigger fear that I will waste my life and won’t follow my dreams. So even if it’s scary, I know it’s worth it.