There are people that you meet in your life that always manage to have a safe place in your heart. They can screw you over. They can shave their beautiful blonde head. They can make grocery lists of “cinamin rolls” and “double icing oreos” and yet, you still love them. They can make horrible terrible choices in men and even worse choices in their music but it just doesn’t seem to matter. That person is Britney Spears.
If you follow me on snapchat (username: helenesula) then you know I have kept scraps of Britney throughout the years. A weird, sick habit I know. But there’s just something about her that has always stuck with me.
My friend Max (I can call her both blog friend and real life friend, after all, we’ve met in person) is also one of those people I’ll always have a soft spot for. She hasn’t shaved her head or anything, but she did have a baby. I love Max’s blog. She writes in a way that’s realistic and relatable and I never skip a post from her. Even if it is kid related.
I asked her to post on the blog because I love her insights and wit and really everything about her. I told her to pick the topic, any topic, and what do you know? She picked Britney Spears. Take it away Max.
Well well well, we meet again! I once wrote a guest post
for Helene many moons ago but my life has since turned upside down and
gone in a different direction. I got married, moved from Texas to
Arkansas, quit my job, had a baby, and now I’m living the wonderful/not
so wonderful life as a stay at home mom. I’m back to blogging again and
the time to sit down and write my thoughts has never felt better.
Because at the end of the day I need a drink (possibly more than one)
and a good hour to just share to the world how crazy motherhood to both
my dog and baby can be…. and it’s times like these that I realize that
2007 Britney Spears and myself have more in common than I thought. Last
week I was going through one of those weeks. The snot, the spit, the
dog hair…. and then I saw this picture floating around on Facebook and
it hit me like a ton of bricks….
I mean, YES. It all makes sense to me now. THAT’S why she shaved her
head and waved her umbrella in front of the photographers. THAT’S why
she went on stage NOT ready for her 2007 MTV Music Awards. THAT’S why
she went away and came back a completely different person to both her
babies and her fans.
This is where you’re probably thinking, “Maxine. You and Britney have
nothing, nada, ziltch in common. You are crazy.” to which I say, “I’m
stronger than yesterday, now it’s nothing but my way…” and also these
1. You will be judged and other moms will
judge you and your mother will judge you and the lady at the grocery
store will judge you. Everyone suddenly cares about how you’re feeding
your child, how you’re swaddling them, and whether they are co-sleeping
or not and you’re just over in your corner like,
“I will smash this umbrella through this window if you say one more word
about breastfeeding… OK?!”
2. After having a baby
your body changes. Stretch marks will grow and your boobs suddenly
become humans with their own personalities. It’s wonderful really and
you learn to just own it and go about your day. And then it’s summer
time and you have to somehow fit into a swimsuit but you’re like
WHATEVER I DON’T EVEN CARE I LOOK GOOD.
and then someone posts a picture on every social media site and some
people aren’t used to seeing you like that (aka your mother) but you’re
still like, “bye haters, I like my new body”
seat talk is all the rage. And then you meet that ONE mom who will go
helicopter 911 if they ever see your child face forward if they are
basically under the age of 5…
then she’ll take a picture, post it all over her new mommy blog, and get
other helicopter 911 moms to join in on the conversation. And then an
actual helicopter flies around and starts snapping photos. I mean, “GO
AWAY LOSERS and worry about your own kids!!!!” I say!!
4. Because sometimes when you’re a mom, a slip or two may happen…
except no one sees it and there aren’t hundreds of photographers following you around.
It’s good to get away from everything and just have fun with your
Unless they are Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton. Because then CPS will be
called and you will be under investigation. True freakin’ story. Poor
Side note: I do wear underwear when I’m out with friends. We don’t have
that in common.
6. When you have a kid and a dog, sometimes the dog isn’t your main
priority anymore. In the beginning, you will maybe forget to feed them
once and not take them on your daily walks. Sometimes you will even give
yourself The Worst Dog Owner award!
7. But then there are times when the baby is asleep and you’re giving yourself a pat on the back because you survived another stressful day filled with tears, boogers, and dog hair. You proved to everyone (your mother) that you can do this and take care of not one but two living, breathing things. Several days and months will pass and you just werk it like you know what you’re doing.
Your hair will look better and start to grow back after you lost it after pregnancy and you’ll finally start to sleep through the night (maybe). You have time to yourself and you can actually leave the house in something other than sweatpants. The dog will start to like you again and some of that pregnancy weight will come off. You’ll feel like you just landed a show in Vegas and still are one of the most popular celebrities in the world. Or maybe that’s just me… but whatever the case may be, at the end of the day I say, “it’s Motherhood, bitch”